Have you ever been forced to go somewhere that you didn’t really want to go? Or maybe your family forced you to go to a reunion and you really didn’t want to see some specific (crazy) people in your family? When things like this happen, it’s typically at the WORST possible time because all of your friends are hanging out and making plans, or you have something a million times better that you could be doing but instead you are going to a mandatory function that you just cannot get out of. Now just imagine being gone for the entire summer. That’s right. Take 2 months out of the whole year. Take the only time you don’t have school and everyone else is going to the beach and kickin’ it making memories with their best friends. This is every year, for 4 years in my life. A total of 8 months that seem to be wasted.
If you haven’t read the ‘ABOUT’ page on this blog, you may not know what this even means. Basically, my mom and 2 siblings live in Michigan while my father and I live in a small town in Pennsylvania. Needless to say they are separated and lemme tell ya, there is a darn good reason for that.
I visit my mom and siblings every summer, kinda like how Bella from Twilight visited her dad during the summers, but I’m at the age of 17 and this is a big deal. This is the last year that I have an obligation to be in Michigan for the summer. Next year on May 2nd, there won’t be anyone forcing me to go. The only reason I have to return is my siblings that I absolutely adore.. but understand from my perspective.
I am 17 years old, entering my senior year of high school. Typically the summer before senior year is when kids my age go on college visits. I haven’t been to a single college. I participate in sports, I did cross-country and cheerleading which obviously took a lot of time and training, but if you’ve ever played a fall sport you know that all the camps are in the summer. It is extremely hard to maintain relationships and friendships when you leave for 2 months because the out-of sight out-of mind concept is the most honest description of teenagers. Above all for me, is the fact that I’m in a place that causes me so much anxiety, angst, depression and sadness. It overwhelms me and I don’t like the person that I become.
I constantly feel down in the dumps and mopey. I begin to develop bad eating habits and I lash out at the people around me. I lose my motivation for everything. You could ask why all this happens, and in all honesty, I believe it is because of my mom. Now what she did to make me feel this way is a long back story that I’ve explained one too many times and I just cannot gain the courage to pour my heart out about it, but I know that it’s her fault.
So how do I deal with it? How do I repair this thing that seems to break inside me once I cross that border from Ohio to Michigan?
Jesus.
Really guys he is my savior. All I have to do is look up some simple bible verses and know that he loves me and my whole world is turned upside down. My mood does a 180 degree twist. I remember that as unloved as I feel here, Jesus is always next to me, holding my hand or even carrying me through the times that I feel like nobody is there for me. Jesus is always there.
“Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8
So, from spending time in Michigan these past 4 years, I’ve learned a few things about friendship, about loyalty, about commitments, about responsibility, and about love.
- If your friends can’t handle you being away for 2 months doing things that you have to do, even though you can text, call, face-time, Skype, etc. then they really aren’t people you need in your life. They aren’t a good example of true friendship.
- Don’t expect your friends to always text or call you first! If that friend is important, make an effort!
- If a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend can’t handle a long distance for a short period of time, then that person probably isn’t for you either. You don’t need to see someone every day to feel love. Be able to be on your own.
- Take responsibility for the things that are your fault.
- Change your surroundings to make you happier, and if you can’t do that, then change the attitude you have towards things.
- You are NEVER alone. In sadness, desperation, hurt, pain, anger, heartbreak, anxiety, etc. you are not alone. Jesus has your life in his hand. He knows you by name and he knows your problems. Call out to him and he will help.
- No matter how badly a parent has hurt you, no matter how emotionally, physically, or mentally abused you have felt, you will always have an unconditional love for them. And that’s okay. You don’t have to forgive them, or show them mercy, but you do love them, because Jesus does too.
SOOOO if this post was helpful in any way, then it served its purpose. I apologize if it was choppy or incoherent or confusing! I am new at this whole writing thing but it is an outlet that could possibly be beneficial to others, so why not give it a shot!
Until next time, thanks! xoxo
Taylor
Balance and Grounding 